I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
