There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
