dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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