i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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