I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
