What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The Olympian is in my bed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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