So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
