I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
