I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
