She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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