I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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