I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
