That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
