we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I wear drunk well.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
