Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
