He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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