I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
