Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
