Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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