why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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