I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
