No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
