Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
