We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
