I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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