You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
time to smoke my breakfast
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
