Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
