u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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