So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
