My friends, they love my intelligence
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
and i looked up. we had an audience...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
