I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
