He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if only i could text you this smell
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
