Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
