It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
