There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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