If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
