dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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