I cannot find my penis.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
