her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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