I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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