I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
