dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
