Don't you send me to vm
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
