it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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