The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
