He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
