we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
