I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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