Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
