My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
