I will probably be peed on at some point today.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
