when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
